PART 2... same diet.. different days...

ROUND 2... DING!!

Morning! :)   Picture above is courtesy of the Internet, but... this is technically my breakfast this morning.

You see.. apparently you can use this diet for a couple of months, so it works out 3 days on, 3 days off, and I have to say this is working very well for me, as it meant I was very careful what I ate on my 'days off' and now ready to start again.

Remember.. when I finished it last week I had lost a total of 4lb.. slightly disappointing, when the write up says you can lose 10lb over the 3 days.. but heyho.. a loss is a loss!  My starting weight was 22st 3lb... after the 3 days I was 21st 13lb.  Today when I weighed, I had put 1lb ON.. bringing me back to 22st exactly.

I get the feeling that, if I continue this for the next month or two, it is 'easing' me into the idea of weight loss, rather than starting a 'fulltime' diet plan all at once.. which is where the Brain (..have you noticed.. it's quiet...no rebelling!  I'm suspicious!)...generally goes into revolt.

...I quite agree!!

WATER!

Very necessary, very important... very...BORING!!  According to guidelines, adults need about 2litres per day.  Some of you are fortunate, drinking water comes easily to you and you are often found with a cup/beaker/bottle of water always nearby.  Me??  Someone forgot to switch on the 'you're thirsty' sign in my brain as I have been known to only have say 1/2 litre, if that per day. I AM NEVER THIRSTY...

which I know causes lethargy, bloating, sluggishness.. and whole load of other things.  

I did drink  about 1 1/2litres on the last 3 days I was on this diet, then on my 'days off', I really struggled again even to drink 1 litre!  Today, I have the bottle beside me and forcing myself to take regular gulps.  It's natural to feel thirsty... we need water to survive.. so why don't I feel thirsty.... I have no idea.  'Some' say that when you feel 'hungry', it's not hunger, but thirst.. in which case the wires are crossed, surely. 

Looking forward now to my lunch which is 1 poached egg on 1 piece of toast. Catch you all later :) 

Weigh in day

This was so me this morning.. weigh in day!

To recap - this British Heart Foundation Diet,... which is nothing to do with the British Heart Foundation, claims 'lose 10lb in 3 days...' is what I have been doing in order to try to kickstart myself into a healthier way of life.  I started this on Sunday and religiously stuck to it, right the way through, no deviation at all, despite much grumbling from food receptors in Brain and taste buds often going into revolt, especially over the fruit parts.. but I DID IT!  

When I got up this morning, I have to say I didn't really FEEL any different, ok, maybe a bit more energy than in past days, so over to the scales I went, with my husband watching with interest.  On I hopped.... closed eyes and....

21st 13.. was the read out..  4lb gone.  No.. that can't be right... this diet said 'lose 10lb in 3 days' not.. you COULD lose UPTO  10lb in 3 days.  

Scales.. you LIE!!! 

#

So on I got again..

23st 13.. repeated the scales firmly in a no nonsense type of way.  Oh.. I'm thinking.. a tad deflated.  Yes ok. 4lb loss in 3 days IS good.. of course it is.. but I had hoped to lose more (don't we all think that every time we weigh?) 

Now what? 

So.. 3 days are up. I followed a regime which, although quite restricted, DID have results.  Now I'm let loose back into the wide bad world of food.. No that's not strictly true is it, as on day one, I realised it's not FOOD that's the enemy.. it's my brain which is now automatically back to wondering where the next meal is coming from and omg what am I going to eat!  

I have to plan now carefully over the next 3 days what is best to try to maintain this weight loss, eat sensibly.. and then next week I can try this again.   Should be interesting.  Watch this space :) Over and out for now whilst I go raid the fridge.. No no.. it's ok.. I'm not! lol 

Day 3 of 3 day diet

FINAL DAY!!

..But before I get to todays bits... lets return back to yesterday... to the OBSCENELY large amount of tuna and 5 crackers I had for lunch.. That was unreal!!  I'm sure there was a printing error on the amount of tuna required!  I managed most of it, I'm pleased to say.

Having read various reviews about this 'British Heart Foundation' Diet.. I learned a couple of things. One is that it isn't actually endorsed by the BHF as it apparently doesn't come from them!  Two.. yes people DO lose weight on it, and that it's meant as a 'kick up the backside' to help motivate people to carry on losing weight. and Three... boy are they right about feeling tired!!!!

So... midafternoon nap it was. Only intended to have an hour.. but it kinda stretched into two, but I did feel much better afterwards. The fact I then couldn't sleep last night is neither here nor there! 

Onto Dinner for day 2.  Ok.. where, on other diets, can you get such a dinner as 2 hotdogs (bunless) with carrots and cabbage, I ask you!  Followed by another banana and a slightly smaller portion of ice cream.  (Have you noticed yet.. not a single whimper of complaint from Brain?? It's totally given up complaining and is quite intrigued to see what comes next!)  Again, the portion looked tiny on the plate, but by the time I'd munched it down.. it was surprisingly filling!

Day 3 started with 5 crackers, some cheddar cheese and an apple.  Crackers went down fine, as did the cheese, but when it came to the apple, my dormant tastebuds had a major hissy fit, and I just could not finish it.  Again, the texture of it in my mouth was enough to make me want to v...ok you get the idea :( Took me ages though to finish the crackers and the cheese.. why?  Because it was so dry, you had to chew for ages before swallowing. I guess this is a good thing though as it meant I took my time over it, and gave my stomach a chance to tell my now quite receptive Brain that I was full.  It was then jump in the car at 8.30 to head off into Tenby to catch up with a few people.

How you envisage yourself out walking...

REALITY.........

Yup.. That's how I felt on Saturday when I was out, the day BEFORE I started this 3 day health plan.  I could hardly put one foot in front of the other and was really scared as to how far gone I had become health wise.

Today, however, there WAS an improvement, as I was walking around town.  Yes, I still had to stop for breath, or lean on the wall, or sit down every now and then, but it was nowhere near as bad as 4 days ago, so I returned home about 3pm feeling quite satisfied by how things are going.   Late lunch ensued - one egg on one slice of toast, which again is great.. love that meal.   

Dinner this evening was the dreaded tuna again, this time with carrots and cauliflower. At this point, I have realised I haven't said much about how much I'm drinking...water that is!   That is another problem I have - I never feel thirsty, so I could go all day with maybe just 1/2 litre or less of water. I know enough now to realise that is a big part of the problem; it causes sluggishness, puffiness and a whole host of other more nasty things.  I have tried to up my intake to a litre and a half at LEAST per day and already feel much perkier, alert and not so puffy. 

Weighing in day is tomorrow morning. I have not gone near the scales once during the past three days, so am quite curious to see what, if anything, I have lost.  I see on reviews that other people have lost between 3-10lbs on this, with one person claiming to have lost 17lb!!  (That is too scary!)  I don't FEEL like I've lost much, but... we'll see.

Day 2 of 3 day Diet

Yes.. that's how I felt ^^^ when I saw what I had for breakfast this morning.  Poached egg on one slice of toast was great, as that is one of my favourite quick meals, but the banana afterwards?  Different matter entirely. I think the CAT showed more enthusiasm for this yellow mushy thing than I did! (not that I allowed the cat to eat it.. just before I get complaints! :)  ) 

Anyway.. GOOD MORNING.. And oddly enough, it IS a good morning.  I was awake by 6.30 and for once felt full of energy.  The remainder of yesterday went by fairly quickly.  Lunch was 1/2 (113g) a cup of tuna and 1 slice of toast.  Mmm yes.. right.. I could hear from a very unconvinced brain but it was surprising just how much tuna there was.  And it did fill me up quite well. 

The afternoon was spent quietly with me working on the laptop and the occasional rerun of House M.D.  (only trouble with that is now I think I have half the medical complaints that they were talking about!!)  Very few thoughts of food.. which.. now I think about it.. may have been because I KNEW what I was going to have for tea, rather than sitting there thinking.. what's for tea, what can I have, what have we got in the cupboards.  If I didn't have anything planned, I'd make it simple - a tin of soup, or egg on toast.. nothing that would tax the brain cells too much, as that is my other problem with food.. I'm ... 

LAZY!!

I have got to the stage where I just 'can't be bothered'.  Again, is that a sign of depression? Where everything seems just too much effort to even start?  A lot of it IS down to my weight, where it hurts when I move or stand, so in that case I'll sit down again.. Vicious circle. Need to lose weight.. Need to exercise to lose weight, but it hurts, so need to diet first before I can exercise to help  me diet to lose weight.. Lost yet? I am! 

Dinner last night was indeed roast chicken, with green beans (or string beans) and carrots. Didn't look much on the plate, but I wolfed it down before Mr Brain could think of a complaint.  Surprisingly filling again.  Looks like we DON'T need a huge plateful of food to fill us up after all!  Now on this 3 day British Heart Foundation diet, there are foods you wouldn't even think you'd be able to have on a diet.  Cue dessert - 136g of ice cream and a medium sized apple.  (DON'T!!!... I mentally slap Brain before it rebels at the sight of fruit.. but brain has been seduced the the sight of Ice cream so all is well!)  Again, another surprisingly large portion and at the end I was totally replete.  Not the 'omg I am so bloated I may never move again' type of replete, but the 'ahh that was perfect' type.

So.. end of day one came, and having downed almost 2 litres of water throughout the day, I felt things had gone well.  I did have a fairly good nights sleep which is quite rare for me so all ended well. 

This morning, apart from the Banana episode, again all is good.  For the first time in a very long time, my fingers/hands were not swollen/puffy when I woke up and I feel alert and ready to go.  By 9am I had already done a fair bit of work on my Selling page (I work from home) and the washing up. I may even live dangerously and hoover today. (Those that know me will be now stepping back in horror and saying Who are You and What have you Done with Niki) 

Lunch time will be interesting though, as it is 5 plain crackers and an obscenely HUGE amount of Tuna.. 226g to be precise! Almost DOUBLE of what I had yesterday.. Oh and I just took a peek at tonights dinner.  Oh look.. another banana (Wilting.. from Brain but other than that, no complaint.. this is a first!!) 

Background to where I am now..

You have NO idea, as to how much I hate oranges and peanut butter!

So WHY am I eating Oranges and Peanut Butter, if I hate them that much?  I'll tell you..

My weight has been an issue all my life.  I am a Food Addict. No matter how much I eat, I never feel full and as soon as one meal is finished.. I'm looking for the next.  It's a horrible thing.. up there with other addictions like Alcoholism and Cigarettes, but unlike Alcoholism and Cigarettes, Food Addiction, and why it happens, doesn't seem to be as much out there in the public eye.

As those in the same boat as myself will know.. you go to the Doctors, who wag that little finger in your face and say 'Naughty Naughty.... you need to go on a diet!  Here, let me refer you to a Dietician'... Thank you.. Goodbye.

By the time you have opened your mouth to voice what is going on in your mind.. you find yourself outside the Doctors Door with a slip of paper in your hand informing you that the Dietician will be in touch sometime soon.  Oh.. Ok then. Now, where's the nearest cafe....

Fast forward... a couple of weeks later, the letter arrives. 

'You have been referred to Mrs/Mr/Dr (insert name)..Dietician. Please attend at......etc..etc.'

Great! Ok, lets see what they have to say. 

Well yes, apart from that... :) 

The Dietician is a lovely lady and between us, we go through all that I eat and all that I don't eat.  Guess what??? Apparently it's what I eat that's causing the weight gain!! Like I didn't know THAT!  And what I NEED to eat, is what I'm NOT eating at present. 

Here's the problem.  Although I love Vegetables (no problem there), I have a major dislike of fruit, big time!  I can manage the occasional Honeydew Melon, but as soon as I take a bite and find it's not sweet/ripe, it turns me off completely and I won't go near another one for months!  Oranges? Nope.. too tart for me. Apples? I don't like the texture/feel of them in my mouth, makes me want to retch (sorry.. TMI I know!)  Strawberries?  A definite no no.. and so it goes on.

Upshot is, I'm quite rightly told to cut out what I normally eat.. ie bread, potatoes, pies, cakes, biscuits, takeaways, and instead replace them with more veg, more fruit (um.. didn't I just tell you that...??  Oh never mind!) more water, less caffeine, more exercise.. yada-yada-yada.  Here, have a diet sheet.. off you go.. good luck! Come back and see me in (x) amount of months.  Cue handshake.. and once again I'm outside the door, without once ever being asked WHY do you overeat, or WHAT'S going on in that pea sized  brain of yours to MAKE you want to overeat?

Now.. eyeing diet sheet, you are thinking.. Ok, so where's the nearest Cafe.. As I am condemned .. I may as well have one last good meal!

I guess round about now, you.. my patient reader.. is still wondering about the oranges and peanut butter!  I'm getting to it.. in a round about fashion! :) 

Home.. with the lovely memory of that lasagne you just had as your 'last meal' still floating around on your taste buds... and upon gazing upon your 'diet sheet'.. instant gloom starts to descend. Suddenly, nothing on that sheet looks appetizing.  OMG I'm going to STTARRRVVEE!!!!  I'm instantly hungry.. what can I eat.. there's NOTHING on there for me to eat..  I'm so depressed... woe is me.. so hard done by.. I may as well give up right NOW.. 

But you haven't even started!  

Ok, mental shake.. lets give it a try. Ok, so for breakfast tomorrow (all diets start 'tomorrow' don't they?)  I will have (honey nut cornflakes.. says my brain).. NO...stop that!  I will have (Frosties..? says my brain hopefully) No..  it will be Bran flakes with semi skimmed milk, I tell myself sternly.  A muted grumble of protest from brain, but. accepts it so far.

Lunch time will be... (wait!.. says Brain.. you skipped out midmorning snack...)  But there's nothing 'interesting' to have as a snack, according to this list.. unless .. I COULD have an apple I suppose (instant shutdown from Brain).. Ok.. maybe not.  So.. Lunch.. hmmm.. cottage cheese and crackers?  (waits for protest from Brain, but it seems ok with that)

Dinner/Tea time.. and yes I KNOW, Brain.. I have missed out mid afternoon snack, before you jump in!! (Rebellious silence from Brain).  Now lets see.... roast chicken? With lots of fresh veg? (Interested 'perk' from Brain).. I can do that.. (mmmm ... thinks Brain, roast potato, Yorkshire Pudding, gravy.. this is more like it! )  Sorry, you say.. can't have roast potatos, yorkshires or Gravy oh and no skin on the chicken. (Cue instant packing of bags and threats of moving out from Brain!) 

And so.. it goes on day in day out.. for 3  days at least!  You, struggling to adjust to a 'healthier' eating regime with your brain in full war mode, opposing EVERYTHING that you want to do.. sabotaging your good intentions and efforts to lose weight. (Does any of this ring true with anyone else so far?).  After the 3 or so days, you are depressed, crying, shaking, making life miserable for yourself and those around you. By this stage Brain is thinking.. I'm getting the upper hand here.. I'm gonna win this!  By the end of the day she's going to be reaching for the Maltesers, and I'll be back in control again'

Sure enough, you find yourself giving in.. oh look, a slice of cake.. how did THAT get into my hand.. Naughty brain.. I shouldn't.. but.. mmm.. ohhh <drool> it looks sooo good.. just one taste  (brain rubbing hands by now.. metaphorically speaking of course!).. oh yes.. that tastes fabulous.. feel the sugar rush... oh yess... YESSS 

MASSIVE FEELINGS OF GUILT AND FAILURE immediately follow.. am I right?  

Oh well.. that's it!  I've done it now.. I'm hopeless.. I knew this wouldn't work (Gloating Brain.. it got what it wanted). No point in continuing with this diet.. it's crap.. doesn't work (told you so says smug Brain). I may as well have another slice of cake.. (go for it! Says gleeful Brain). And so.. you are back to square one.. Still overweight, but desperate to make a change.. and so it continues.. a never ending cycle of Drs, Dieticians, promises made, promises broken, so frustrated and looking on food as the enemy.. but do you know what??  I'm turning 50 this year (whoopee, go me.. yeah baby), and it's only NOW.. on writing this down that I have realised...are you ready?  

FOOD IS NOT THE ENEMY...Yes you read that right.  Food is NOT the enemy.. The enemy lies within..... YOUR BRAIN!! 

(Attempt at innocent whistling coming from Brain.. who.. me?)  Yes YOU.  It's the Brain that is in control of you.. NOT the food..

This is the point I am trying to make.  Doctors.. you can send us 'fatties' to as many dieticians as you like.. Dieticians.. you can hand out as many diet sheets as you like to us.. but without getting to the ROOT of the problem - ie WHY we overeat.. what's happening deep inside our crafty Brain and its thought processes, many of us will struggle all our lives to lose weight.. as I have, and am still doing so. 

Another thought - does weight gain cause Depression?? Or does Depression cause weight gain? Because I am now, finally starting to admit I may have Depression and I may have had it most of my life.. but its gone undiagnosed.  Appointment to be made with Dr's tomorrow for this but if he wags that finger at me and advises me to lose weight.....

To cut a very long story short.. (too late!) I weighed myself this morning and in the past year alone I have put on 3 stone, bringing me to 22 stone 3lb.  This certainly accounts for why I am almost immobile.. why my legs shake when I stand for long periods of time.. why my lower back screams in protest when I walk even to the end of the path and back, why I can't go for walks with the family any more.. why I sit and cry when I am alone. Why I am now so scared that my daughter may be left motherless if I continue on this path.  

I need to write this blog, a little bit each day, to jot down my feelings, to distract the brain (..huh?  Says brain.. say what?...) whilst I try to get a handle on where I am going in the future.  I have started a 3 day 'diet' today. Don't worry gentlefolk.. it's not a quack diet.. a Get Thin Quick diet.. a 'drink only this for 3 days and you will lose 6 stone' type of diet (I'm desperate, but not stupid! lol ) Look up British Heart Foundation 3 day diet.. That's where the ORANGES and the PEANUT BUTTER comes in. (told you I'd get around to telling you about it!) 

Day one. (This morning, Sunday 28th February 2016) Breakfast - one blood red orange (initial revulsion from taste buds and brain, but curious acceptance from both after a couple of slices), and peanut butter on toast, plus a pint of water.  Whatever chemicals are in the orange and the peanut butter, brain is mellow and chilled.. no cravings (yet).. just a constant urge to go for a wee!  

To be continued....Thank you for reading x